you can do a lot of things - refreshing reminder from Christa Wells' blog, an up and coming singer/songwriter....quickly becoming one of my favorite artists.
Black Church White Church - I appreciate the hip-hop/rap genre. I love to hear artists producing quality music, redeeming the genre for Gospel purposes. Here's one by Curtis Allen (aka "Voice"). Lyrics here.
FREE Dunkin or Krispy Kreme donut - tomorrow (friday, june 4) is national donut day, get a free donut!
The Rose - There are a handful of men whose life and ministry I deeply appreciate and respect. Matt Chandler is one of these men. I love his passion for speaking truth back into the Christian church.
A Word to Preachers/Listeners - I came across this blog post by JR Vassar article a while back. It was a rather convicting read for me, and this word that JR shares has bee one that's come up a lot, especially as I've been studying 1 Corinthians.
7 Mile Road Church - This is a new church plant in Northeast Philadelphia. I was just giddy when I came learned about them. First, they're an Acts29 candidate - a church plant organization for which I have a tremendous amount of respect. Second, the pastor and much of the congregation are Indian! Great to see that people group, who for so long has been inundated with teachings steeped in tradition and legalism, being taught the importance mission gospel centered living that stem from a transformed heart. Sermons are online. Very exciting!
Church Marketing Sucks - a great resource for church marketing. I use that term cautiously because the gospel is not for sale nor does it need to be made "cool" as is often the case these days. However, there are ways to more effectively communicate gospel truth and help better apply that truth through the arts.
Calling Out Men - there are some things around how Mark Driscoll approaches corporate worship and teaching that I don't really agree with, but those points are minor disagreements. I have tremendous appreciation for the man, his ministry, his pursuit to not dismiss doctrine but to call to remembrance the original purpose behind church doctrine. Here Mark, unashamed of truth, calls males to grow up from being little boys to become men.
Google Reader - I just started using Google Reader. As a long time Google junky I regret I didn't start using it earlier. It's transformed the way I read online, it's not only saved so much time but it's allowed me the opportunity to read material that I normally wouldn't get to read.
I've wanted to write another blog for quite some time now and I simply haven't, until 20 minutes ago when I decided that tonight was going to be the night I wrote. No matter what, this was my highest priority and nothing would get in the way. I'm on a mission and neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor hail can keep me from it.....and then I remembered I needed to do laundry.
Hi, I'm Tom and I'm the poster child for ADD.
...and then i started looking up pictures that convey ADD which further distracted me...it's like something doesn't want me to write!
The phrase "my sin is always before me" has been on my mind over the last couple months. Oh no, not SIN! Ugh, what an ugly word, not to mention a sure fire way to bum someone out. It's such a downer. It's a word that immediately brings to mind the legalistic Pharisee that is so caught up in rules and finger pointing. This is a philosophy that absolutely makes me burn within - when I see the truth of the gospel being perverted by burdensome, heavy yokes. Ooh, two new posts titles just came to mind: "the gospel pimp" and "the gospel pervert"...but alas, those are for another day. Even though that word leaves a foul taste in my mouth, I find myself repeating the phrase over and over to myself. It's from from the third verse in Psalm 51 (my favorite passage of Scripture) where David cries out to God acknowledging himself as someone who has rebelled against God. My sin is always before me. When I repeat those words, it's not because I'm crippled by this overwhelming sense of guilt, thinking that I can never do right by God. Well, that's sometimes the case but not usually. Thankfully I embraced that truth several years ago when those "you'll never be acceptable" thoughts were really messing with me. Paul puts it like this,
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesusfrom the law of sin and death. (Romans 8:1-2, ESV)
So then God after breathing life into my limp premature body, after sparing mother and child nearly 27 years ago, after witnessing my current rebelliousness against him, after knowing all to well my future inclinations to spit in his face...after all that, he's still wants me on his team. Therefore, it is not I am acceptable, but Christ on my behalf is acceptable. That sacrifice where God became man (the implications of this alone are huge) to pay the penalty I never could. He literally gave his only Son, his pride, his joy, his love to pay that price. There's freedom living in the shadow of that truth. Wow, that's not where I intended to go with this post, but it's foundational to how I deal with "my sin is always before me."
When I think on those words by the Psalmist it's not guilt that comes to mind but rather it's frustration. It's when I remember who I am and realize what I just thought, said or did. It's a frustration that stems from the recognition that I'm not who I ought to be or even who I want to be. I daily disgust myself with the thoughts that come to mind. "How could I have just thought that!" I know my position is secure and I'm fully aware that my practice still has a way to go. Paul repeats this all through his first letter to the Corinthians. You're kids of God, live like it! My constant struggle to "live like it" is what frustrates me. It's those words from David's statement in this Psalm that serve as a reminder to me that I don't have it all together. I'm not as squeaky clean as I tell myself or as I let on. Again, this isn't "i'm going straight to hell" guilt but rather a heightened awareness that I'm quite accident prone and in daily need of direction. Eugene Peterson does a solid job of capturing the essence of Romans 7:14-23:
What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary. But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
Why did David's words keep coming to mind? Over a year ago I began my fascination with John 15, namely where it talks about abiding in the vine. What does it look like if I were to really abide in Christ? I conceptually understand that phrase, but felt convicted that my understanding was a fraction of Jesus' intended depth. Obviously. I'm still sitting on that phrase, but from there I began to wrestle with a new idea. Grace and mercy. I mean, if I'm going to abide in Christ I can't help be abide in his grace and mercy. Again…I understand it but what else is there to it? Here I am, excited about soaking in the awesomeness that is God's love as shown through his mercy and grace! I'm ready for that encouragement. I ready for that warm fuzzy feeling! My sin is always before me. This sucks. Why couldn't I stick with grace and mercy? Or why couldn't I move to other feel good church words like hope and joy? Then in hit me. My plea for a deeper understanding of grace and mercy was being answered! There's no way I can even begin to view grace and mercy with the correct lenses without realizing the depth of my sin. It's my sin, my inability to keep God's standard that was the crime. The punishment for this crime, by definition, had to be death. By God's mercy he chose not to pour out his wrath on me. By his grace, he chose to allow his beloved to be nailed to that cross.
God, please forgive me when I view my sin as too messy to wrestle with. When I choose to sweep it under the rug. When I rather focus on the fun parts of being a Christian, while frequently denying my brokenness that led to Calvary. Help me to see my sin as you do, not as the Pharisees do. Help live in freedom as you defined it, not as my world is redefining it.
I'm still dealing with the weight of all of this. My thoughts are scattered and my understanding is still being developed. That will always be the case. However, the one thing I know is that a proper view of my sin is leading me to a proper view of God's love. Where there is not a healthy balance between sin and love, you have the extremes of legalism and license. So, despite the ugliness of sin and even though we live in a time where it's not cool to talk about that sort of thing, I cannot be shy of the word or its implications. My sin leads to God's love. A simple but sometimes forgotten and frequently undervalued truth. I once was a certain man captive to the word and it's master. No more. I still deal with the consequences of life under that former master. I still wear the scars of abuse from that relationship. The memories of old still haunt me now. In all that my reassurance is this: I have been made into a new man purged with hyssop and washed whiter than snow. (Psalm 51:7)
One final note, it's been nearly a week since I began writing this post. As I mentioned earlier, I started amidst distractions of laundry and Google images of hyperactive screaming children. I let the words and thoughts come to me over several days and then Saturday night I sat down to finish off the post. After a couple hours of writing on Saturday, I hit Save only to find that technology hates me and I wound up losing most of what I had written that day. I spent all day Saturday heavily meditating on Psalm 51 and the truths I've been learning, writing bits and pieces as I went! It's amazing how one second you can be so excited about sharing something on your heart and the next second you can be screaming at WordPress for it's failure to periodically save. I'm pretty sure I didn't recapture everything I had written on Saturday. Maybe it's current state is where God wants it to be? I'm not sure. I am certain that after huffing and puffing Saturday night, after shutting down my computer in discouragement, I had a renewed sense of determination that I was going to finish writing this blog. Something, perhaps that former master, was trying to distract me long enough and make me upset enough to keep me from following through. Not going to work!
It's not easy to use theater to convey such a heavy message, but I feel like this particular rendition along with the sound track is especially powerful. Every time I watch this is wrecks me and I find myself just wiping away tears.
I went to bed last night expecting today to be just awful. I was away from the office for the last five days. I left last week amidst chaos. It's only natural that I return to chaos. I woke up today fully expecting that. So the first thing that came to mind this morning was this prayer "Give me today, what I need today, to get through today" a la Matthew 6:11. Give me strength. Give me food. Give me endurance. Give me grace. Give me patience. Give me emotional fortitude. Give me clarity. Give me reprieve from discouragement. Give me You. I must've repeated that prayer out loud a few dozen times before I even left the house this morning and a few more times in the car for good measure. Today was going to be brutal and I knew there was no way I was making it through the day in good spirits if God didn't show up.
I got to work, booted up my machine, plugged in my headphones and hunkered down for Monday. Well, late morning rolled around and no fires! No salesmen flipping out because we can't deliver the unicorn fairy dust they promised customers. No well intentioned bosses breathing down my neck. Thankful.
I'm pretty confident that God showed up in this relatively minor aspect of my week and today decided to go easy on me and make the work day bearable. No, it wasn't all gravy but it was all the broth and flour goodness I needed for this day. Not to mention the great music I found floating in my gravy laced Monday!
That music was just what I needed to get through today. There is no guarantee that tomorrow will be as pleasant as today (I pray that it is!) however I am confident that despite what may come, I will be equipped with all I need (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually) to get through Tuesday.
why is it so hard to find a decent pen? i have something i want to write. i have my journal. i have a plethora of average pens. but i don't want average right now, i want above average. i want quality. i want something that goes on smooth yet has a certain authority about it. something worthy of my pristine new black moleskin.
i've searched every room in this house. kitchen! surely there's something in the kitchen. that must be pen central, what with all the phone messages and shopping lists written there. bubkiss. i'm in the living room, rummaging through the assortment of pens, pencils, random exacto knives, and letter openers that my dad has collected there. c'mon! my mom inquires what i'm looking for. i declare emphatically, "i want a pen! i want a *good* pen!" being the person that she is she responds with "well, i have an *okay* pen upstairs by my bible. it's an okay pen." i love that woman; however, an okay pen won't do right now.
i might have to settle for an average bic or papermate. oh, how i hate papermate! this isn't looking good.
so here i am. on the floor. back leaning against the bed. typing away furiously about how i don't have a pen to write with. disappointed.
i wonder if i have one in my car.......onwards!
UPDATE: my car pulls through with a 0.7mm, silky smooth Bic VelocityGel........oh, mama.......